"Good Manners"

"Good Manners" display respect, care, and consideration. Everyone has a basic right to help another and feel positive about themselves and others around them. In our age of self-satisfaction, cell phone technology and instant internet gratification, it is often hypothesized that we care more for our equipment than those for whom they are made.

It's common sense that people prefer a reasonable amount of respect. If you nurture plants, animals, or other humans, not only will they grow and bloom - but you will as well. Outside of material goods - the basic things we all really own are ourselves and our actions.

1. Think things out before speaking, especially if you are poor at finding the right words. Don't start sentences with awkward 'ums' and 'ers' in between. Practice speaking to a mirror, it works! It increases confidence in speaking, and it sounds much clearer; you may find you'll be using fewer 'ums' and 'ers' next time!
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   • Avoid the word 'like'. It has become a stumbling word of similar context to 'um'. Try to eliminate the word from your entire vocabulary, even if you use it correctly. Say 'such as' or 'similar to' instead.
   • Don't speak loudly. You will quickly lose respect if you do, as this is seen as overbearing and rude. It can also make others angry and upset before you even establish a relationship with them. They will think of you as a 'big mouth'! If you naturally speak loudly, practice turning your volume down.
   • Speak with respect to and of others by avoiding negative or insulting remarks. Avoid expressions or theoretical examples implying disrespect, degradation or that invite people to imagine offensive scenarios, like "What's up your butt?" or "How would you feel if someone..." followed by a description of violent or degrading acts. You may not intend this as offensive, but it is. General rule: if you don't want someone to speak about you that way, then don't speak this way to others.
   • Don't ever speak of bodily functions, such as using the bathroom or telling crude jokes. Even in casual conversation, this indicates immaturity and often makes bad impressions.
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   Always respect all elders, and listen to them and learn. They have been around, and can teach you plenty.
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   Using the terms 'Thank you', 'Please', and 'You're welcome' indicates good manners. People lacking in manners avoid these terms.
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   Hold open a door for anyone, male or female, following you closely. This is good manners and will never change.
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   Speak highly of your parents and show respect for them, even if you don't always feel that way. If you can't, avoid speaking about them at all. It's tacky to insult those who brought you into this world or raised you. Don't air family dirty laundry: it's tacky and rude.
   • Do not swear, use filthy language, or tell sexual jokes. It can make you sound cheap and disrespectful sometimes. People doing this are usually very immature and lack self-control or respect for themselves and others! Curse words not appropriate and you'll begin to feel more comfortable avoiding them. Profanity indicates an angry person and it puts people off immediately as it's distasteful and offensive. Using decent vocabulary gives the impression of intelligence, self-respect and character.
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   Greet others appropriately even if you know someone well. If you are a man, you do not want to greet a woman by saying, "Hey baby, what's shaking?" Instead, try something like, "Hello or good morning/evening [name]," anything making you appear respectful.
   • Show interest in others by asking questions about them. Don't steal their spotlight by just talking about yourself. Don't come off as selfish. Continually talking of yourself is boring and others will find you arrogant.
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   Pay attention to how you carry yourself. Have some class, which is the same as manners. Don't slouch; have a neat appearance; shake hands firmly; be and smell clean; hold your head high and don't hide behind sunglasses inside or wear other "trying to be cool" looks at the wrong time; it gives the impression of arrogance and immaturity.
   • Don't put others down, belittle them or spread gossip. Never criticize someone in an attempt to demean or to elevate yourself. If you wouldn't like it done to you, then don't do it! Be complimentary and positive, for example, avoid criticizing an article someone has written. Their grammar and spelling may not be as good as yours but they tried. Having an opinion is fine, but being insulting reflects bad manners. Never tell secrets, especially those about your close friends. If someone is gossiping or belittling another, show you understand in a neutral way (a small nod to show you comprehend or an "mmhmm" should do).
   • Don't interrupt, cut off or override others, unless they are insulting or swearing, etc. Give others respect and try letting them finish. Practice being a listener!
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   Ask for clarification properly. If you missed something someone said, or if you need clarification, ask "Could you say that again for me, please?" or "I'm sorry?" " Pardon?" also sounds polite enough. Avoid solely using the words "What?" or "Huh?" as it's often brash and unrefined.
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    Never use a phone when entering a bathroom, as some things are meant to be private. No one cares to 'hear' you doing your business. Regardless of why you are there, stay off the phone! No exceptions!
   Think about phone manners and observe appropriate phone etiquette at all times. If you need to use the phone, excuse yourself outside or to a quiet room/hallway.
   • Don’t phone before 7:00 am and after 9:00 pm [unless in an emergency or an important overseas call]. Also avoid calling people during meals, work, and school. People don't expect you to drop in and visit at these times, unless it is arranged. This includes texting, though you would obviously not text for emergencies.
   • Ensure the number you have is correct. If you do disturb someone and it’s the wrong number then ‘please’ have the decency to say, “I’m so sorry! I have the wrong number!” DO NOT just hang up. That individual may be ill, in a wheelchair, or elderly, etc, so you should show respect and apologize for their inconvenience. Likewise, if a person with a wrong number phoned you, politely point out that they have called the wrong number.
   • Check your voice! It carries much more than just a tone, and reflects your character and personality even on the phone! Remember: your listener cannot see you, so your phone-voice becomes your facial expressions, gestures, personality and character. Always check your voice when speaking; speak in a pleasant tone and very clearly. Smile through your voice! What they hear will make a positive or negative impression.
   • When someone answers the phone don’t be harsh and abrupt by telling them what you want first. This confuses them and makes them wonder who you are. You also appear very rude, which is bad if you need a favour from them. It gives the wrong impression before you start! And don’t say, “Who is this?” You phoned them, so introduce yourself and state who you are and what you want – politely! For example; say “Hello, my name is Mrs. Peppermint, I'd like to speak to Mrs. Sally Lemon. Is she available?” If the person is not there, state to the person on the phone whether you will call back later or request they call you back. Or if you are making inquiries, state; “Hello, this is Mrs. Peppermint. I saw an advert in the local paper for a shop assistant; is that position still open?” When finished, say, “Thank you for your help. Goodbye” and be genuine! Now ensure you give them time to say ‘Goodbye’ too!!
   • Give people a chance to answer their phone! They could be outside in their garden, knitting, baking, washing the car or at another end of the house. Don’t just ring three times and hang up! It's annoying when you stopped doing something, go into the lounge to answer and just as it gets to your ear the caller hangs up!! Grrrrh!! :o)
   • Don’t spend an hour [or hours] chatting to someone. Don't waste people's time or disturb the household! It’s one of the biggest turn-off’s to having a friendly chat! They will not want to talk to you again.
   • Answering your phone: Again – don’t forget to check your voice! Just be pleasant and polite and say, ‘Hello’. Avoid saying, 'Good afternoon, Smith residence' or 'John Smith speaking'. It's too dangerous today. If you are alone and you don’t know who the person is, don't tell them no-one is home or your husband is working, etc. Always pretend someone else is there. Use wisdom and good old-fashioned common sense! Be safe!
   • If the call is for someone else, say something such as; “One moment please, I'll just go and call them for you.” Put the receiver down gently. If who they want to speak to is unavailable, say, “I’m sorry, Sally isn’t available right now. May I take a message for her and ask her to phone you as soon as she can?”
   • If you must carry on two conversations at once you should always excuse yourself from one and resume it later. Say, "I'm sorry, can you hold on a minute; my boss is telling me something", and wait for the person's answer. If the personal conversation will last more than a minute, it would be better to ask, "Can I call you back? My mother needs to talk to me and it may take a few minutes".
   • In case of needing a restroom break, say something to get off the phone, without sharing too much information. All you really need to say is 'Can you hold on for a few minutes? I will be right back.'
   • When talking on the phone in a public space, keep in mind that everything you say is no longer just your news. Keep your voice at "indoor voice" level, or lower. Generally, people with good manners don't talk about potentially embarrassing private issues in public.
   • When on the phone, don't talk with others in the room. What's worse than having a phone conversation with one who chats, perhaps not listening to what you're saying, and you can't tell if they are speaking to you or others. If someone tries to talk to you, simply point to your phone and they will get the message.
   • Avoid using the computer while on the phone unless it's part of customer services. It is extremely rude and unpleasant when someone makes you listen to a clacking keyboard.
   • Turn off your phone in films, don't text while pretending to pay attention to someone else. Never call during meals or important ceremonies, where mobiles SHOULD be always switched off at all times.
   • Refrain from using your cell at check-out counters it is bad taste and horribly rude to talk on your cell while having an interaction with other individuals - particularly those people who are handling your money, be it in the grocery store, the mall or at a petrol station. It is unacceptable to treat cashiers as ATMs. Get off the phone, do your business, and then resume your call at a more appropriate time.
   • When with others in a social setting, try to refrain from using your cell phone. It implies you'd rather be somewhere else, with someone else, and that who you are with is less important.
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    Make meaningful introductions. If someone tells you their name, either by shaking your hand and saying their name or by saying "Nice to meet you, I'm John!" etc., do not just say "Okay!" or "Hi!". State your name too! This may seem obvious, but people overlook this and come across as not wanting to know the other person.
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    If you are visiting a friend's parents' home, offer the parents help with anything needed there, such as taking out trash or preparing the table for dinner. Don't forget to thank them for their hospitality and opening up their home, as well as allowing you to eat with them. Then they will be sure to have more respect for you when you return.
    • Address older adults and professional seniority with the title of "Mr.", "Mrs.", "Miss", or "Ms." until you are asked by them to address them by their first name.
    • Make certain the person prefers you to use their nick name before you use it. Ask, if uncertain. Don't assume that "Michael" prefers to be called "Mike" or "Sandra" prefers "Sandy".
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    Improve your manners when speaking. Here are other common etiquette mistakes and their solutions:
    • Never say "Yeah". It's "Yes" or preferably "Yes, please".
    • It's never "Huh?" or "What?", it's "Pardon?"
    • Instead of "Nah", say "No, thank you."
    • Always use "May I...?" instead of "Can I?"
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    Don't send letters or notes written in red ink or pencil. It's a sign of disrespect. You can use red ink for lists, or notes to yourself. It's different when it's part of the job, like teachers who may use it for grading.
    • Give gratitude and be thankful. If someone gives you a gift, goes out of their way for you or provides an appreciated service, write a thank-you note. Not an email unless you are at work, and you should still write a thank-you note for a gift. Saying "thank you" is just not enough. Always keep thank-you cards in your office and home. Be thankful for what others do or have done for you.
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     Some people think spelling things wrong is normal. It's actually a sign of bad manners and poor intelligence. If you don't care enough to spell it right, you're insulting the recipient.
    Use proper grammar and spelling. Use a dictionary or the computer's spell check when composing a note, letter or email. It's essential. Your words and the context of your message will be understood and not require re-reading.
    • Never use IM, SMS language or computer jargon when sending a note as a 'Thank you' or other communication. Using jargon, in general, makes a person appear self-centred if others don't understand it. It also makes the listener feel ignorant.
    • You should never assume everyone knows what LOL or TTYL means.
      • "Cuz" should never be used instead of "because"
      • "2" should never replace "to", "two" or "too". It can cause confusion,in some cases.
      • Know the difference between you, your and you're as well as there, their, and they're.
      • Its and it's have different meanings as well.
    • Use a dictionary or thesaurus if you aren't sure of the spelling, meaning or usage of a word. Remember, it's better to use a word you're comfortable using rather than a fancy word that you don't know the meaning.
    • Proofread! Don't assume spell-check catches everything. Re-read everything.
    • Not taking the time to spell simple words may be seen as disrespectful.
    • Unless you're chatting with close friends and the grammar is usually horrible, you should never use jargon or abbreviations unless they are commonly recognized (Mr., Mrs., dates, etc.)
    • Understand when IM and chat room language should be used. Avoid using it outside of IM, text or chat situations. It makes you appear lazy and ill-mannered.
    • Avoid generational jargon and slang. When communicating with someone of a different generation, make sure terms used are those familiar to all generations (use English grammar). You wouldn't like it if your boss or grandparents sent you a letter using a strange code or with phrases in a foreign language. Older and younger generations use different jargon.
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    Try to speak to others as you would like to be spoken to and treated. Having manners is like the Golden Rule of social behaviour.
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    Practice good driving manners. Obey all traffic laws dutifully. If you are shown a courtesy by another motorist, raise your hand to say thank you. Be sure they can see you. Wait for pedestrians to cross the street, even when you have the right of way. Drive slowly and quietly. No honking.